Rarely in my movie watching history, have I stumbled upon a movie, which would make my brain so overstimulated with crap, and so overexposed to nonsense and paradoxes that my mind would simply reject it’s existence and would stop working properly for about half a day, thinking: “oh man where to I begin…”. Prometheus was that kind of movie. It literally blows your mind with bullshit. Again, this is only my opinion, I suppose some people would like it, although I doubt it very much!
The only reason why I went to see it and staid through the whole plot, without even taking a piss, cause it was too funny to miss, was because my bf ADORES aliens and space ships, and because my favorite actress was starring there (no not the stuck up blond bitch, but Noomi Rapace).
Visually it was great, not that I’m an expert or anything, but the 3D was actually there, (not like Clash of the Titans, in which only the subtitles were worthy enough to be in 3D). Usually when I go to 3D movies I end up seeing half of the movie without the glasses, cause there’s nothing 3D about it! This time without the glasses, the blond’s stuck up bitch ponytail was actually blurry, so I guess that’s a plus. But that’s the only plus, and it’s kind of raped, considering the big fuss this movie has produced.
The whole point of the movie was leaning towards “the meaning of life, who created us” with a slight, subliminal messages that GOD ALMIGHTY created us, because you see the “aliens” who created us, actually hate us for no reason and went on a killing spree, just so we can suffer, and the only biologist who keeps pursuing those damn aliens, actually is a religious one, which is totally fine!
We’re introduced to this crew members, who have no meaningful dialogues whatsoever and are represented in the most boring manner possible:
1. Girl sicentist, can’t have babies, eventually gives birth to alien, believes in God.
2. Girl’s boyfriend-a complete douche, which every guy in the audience hates, because they subconsciously realize they’re just like him, but don’t want to admit it.
3. Blond stuck up bitch, who went on a super, dangerous mission in space, but really really wants to LIVE.
4. The captain who had the best luck in the movie, cause he got laid.
5. Some random, generic guys whose purpose was only to complete the cheesy ending and destroy all that is pure with their catch phrase.
6. And some really, annoying assholes, that did stupid UNPROFESSIONAL stuff, and totally deserved to die and guess what, they die!
7. Oh and some other chick, with a really cool accent.
Let’s not forget the android David, who (we’re constantly reminded of that) is incapable of FEELING! Which is, exactly why, the whole movie rotates around his schemish and actually, very “feeling” behavior. He is on a constant emotional roller coaster (which only a woman on PMS has). First he’s happy, then he’s sad, then he’s dissapointed, then he purposely infects the douche boyfriend, and every male in the audience silently opens a beer in their head, then he deliberately dopes Elizabeth and doesn’t let her have the abortion, for NO GOOD FUCKING REASON!
So eventually the douche dies, cause he was such a jerk to the robot, who saved his girlfriend’s ass btw.
And OH wow, what a SURPRISE, the guy who funded the whole thing, and who was supposedly dead, and who’s make up makes you wanna buy a shar pei, is actually alive and he thinks that the only chance for him to live longer is to go to the crazy, aliens and beg them. So he does! But first we’re introduced to a semi-emotional interaction with his daughter, AKA stuck up bitch, who is trying so hard to act evilish, it seems she wants to have sex with everybody on the ship.
So yeah, after everybody die the most stupid, rushed and weird way, and the giant, alien pretzel ship is destroyed, Elisabeth takes the robot’s head (who contaminated her boyfriend) and drives through space in a magical non-pretzel space ship, to…..the other aliens, who right before seconds wanted to destroy Earth.
So that’s about it, and because no one comments on posts with no photos, here’s a photo of me with a lemon.