“Prometheus” and other ways to achieve a brain lobotomy

All
Rarely in my movie watching history, have I stumbled upon a movie, which would make my brain so overstimulated with crap, and so overexposed to nonsense and  paradoxes that my mind would simply reject it’s existence and would stop working properly for about half a day, thinking: “oh man where to I begin…”. Prometheus was that kind of movie. It literally blows your mind with bullshit. Again, this is only my opinion, I suppose some people would like it, although I doubt it very much!

The only reason why I went to see it and staid through the whole plot, without even taking a piss, cause it was too funny to miss,  was because my bf ADORES aliens and space ships, and because my favorite actress was starring there (no not the stuck up blond bitch, but Noomi Rapace).

Visually it was great, not that I’m an expert or anything, but the 3D was actually there, (not like Clash of the Titans, in which only the subtitles were worthy enough to be in 3D). Usually when I go to 3D movies I end up seeing half of the movie without the glasses, cause there’s nothing 3D about it! This time without the glasses, the blond’s stuck up bitch ponytail was actually blurry, so I guess that’s a plus. But that’s the only plus, and it’s kind of raped, considering the big fuss this movie has produced. 

The whole point of the movie was leaning towards “the meaning of life, who created us” with a slight, subliminal messages that GOD ALMIGHTY created us, because you see the “aliens” who created us, actually hate us for no reason and went on a killing spree, just so we can suffer, and the only biologist who keeps pursuing those damn aliens, actually is a religious one, which is totally fine! 
We’re introduced to this crew members, who have no meaningful dialogues whatsoever and are represented in the most boring manner possible:
1. Girl sicentist, can’t have babies, eventually gives birth to alien, believes in God.
2. Girl’s boyfriend-a complete douche, which every guy in the audience hates, because they subconsciously realize they’re just like him, but don’t want to admit it.
3. Blond stuck up bitch, who went on a super, dangerous mission in space, but really really wants to LIVE.
4. The captain who had the best luck in the movie, cause he got laid.
5. Some random, generic guys whose purpose was only to complete the cheesy ending and destroy all that is pure with their catch phrase.
6. And some really, annoying assholes, that did stupid UNPROFESSIONAL stuff, and totally deserved to die and guess what, they die!
7. Oh and some other chick, with a really cool accent.
Let’s not forget the android David, who (we’re constantly reminded of that) is incapable of FEELING! Which is, exactly why, the whole movie rotates around his schemish and actually, very “feeling” behavior. He is on a constant emotional roller coaster (which only a woman on PMS has). First he’s happy, then he’s sad, then he’s dissapointed, then he purposely infects the douche boyfriend, and every male in the audience silently opens a beer in their head, then he deliberately dopes Elizabeth and doesn’t let her have the abortion, for NO GOOD FUCKING REASON!
So eventually the douche dies, cause he was such a jerk to the robot, who saved his girlfriend’s ass btw.
And OH wow, what a SURPRISE, the guy who funded the whole thing, and who was supposedly dead, and who’s make up makes you wanna buy a shar pei, is actually alive and he thinks that the only chance for him to live longer is to go to the crazy, aliens and beg them. So he does! But first we’re introduced to a semi-emotional interaction with his daughter, AKA stuck up bitch, who is trying so hard to act evilish, it seems she wants to have sex with everybody on the ship.
So yeah, after everybody die the most stupid, rushed and weird way, and the giant, alien pretzel ship is destroyed, Elisabeth takes the robot’s head (who contaminated her boyfriend) and drives through space in a magical non-pretzel space ship, to…..the other aliens, who right before seconds wanted to destroy Earth. 
So that’s about it, and because no one comments on posts with no photos, here’s a photo of me with a lemon.
Follow and like:

19 thoughts on ““Prometheus” and other ways to achieve a brain lobotomy”

  1. I officially love your sense of humor! I read the whole story and constantly thought how were you able to watch the whole movie!? I know I will not watch something like that. I would rather watch my dog for two hours because he makes funny faces and is just silly and fun. anyway, your photos.. the one with that lemon looks like a lemon ad (whatever that is :D)

    Maiken,
    Maikeni blogi – part of me

  2. OMG Keit this is the funniest movie review I've ever read 😀 and wow how could you stay the whole movie ! 😀
    You are ama-ng and I love the pictures <3

  3. OMG Keit this is the funniest movie review I've ever read 😀 and wow how could you stay the whole movie ! 😀
    You are ama-ng and I love the pictures <3

  4. LOL I was suppose to see that movie this weekend, the guy I'm seeing is a fan of Aliens and so am I.. but hmmm I heard it's gory in some scenes and I don't do well with gore

  5. I personally really hate 3D, but that could just be because my eyes start hurting after wearing those silly things for about 3 mins and then I take them off, so it's all kinda lost on me. 😛

    I've gotten so sick of all the movies that have come out lately, it just doesn't seem like anything half way decent has been made for a while. (Although just saw Coriolanus and it was fantastic! It was a play of Shakespeare's that I'd never heard of, but it was so well done. But I love just about anything that Venessa Redgrave stars in.^_^)
    You always make me laugh, it must be so fun watching movies with you!

  6. I would run if I see you with a pan! I've not heard of this movie before but the way you structured it sounds comical!
    Hey, if you ever open a cafe someday, do let me know ok? I'll come visit you. I'm definitely a coffee person!

  7. omg, its really a loooong story.. 😛 ahahaha.. i have no comment for yet, cause i havent watch the movie yet.. 😛 ahahha so funny photo.. just dont hit my head.. 😛

  8. За този филм нищо не бях чувала освен името му и че е по кината сега. Мога да заключа, че си използвала най-точната дума за описанието му – nonsense! 😀 Аз пък вчера гледах Снежанка и ловеца, ефектна интерпретация, но не е филм, който бих гледала 2ри път.

    Снимката с тигана ми харесва. Трябва да почна да си нося един в чантата и да шляпвам тъпанарите с него ^^

  9. What a total non-sense movie! I am sure the movie is a total bullshit like you said because I never heard of this movie! I've wasted a lot of money on crappy movies, that's why I rely a lot on the ratings and people's review and I guess one movie will definitely be off my list 🙂

    Thank you so much for the sweet comment, reading it just makes me feel better already <3

    ang-closet365.blogspot.ca

  10. OMG! Phenomenally blog;) LOOKS great, I'm here for the first time but not the last;) I add to follow :))

    I invite you to me;) and I hope that you join my followers.

    kisses and a nice days 🙂

  11. I love Charlize Theron like crazy! But I haven't seen the movie, so I can't disagree. 😉 The random pan and lemon are very cool. I kinda feel like I'm lookin' at a model advertising them. Like, look at the pretty model, now go buy our lemons, damnit! Or somethin' like that …

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *