How to make him love you (tips and tricks from the master!)

It’s this month of the year again…can’t put my mind to it…I know it was something about love and sex..and love..and consumating your relationship..and love..and sex..and..oh yeah, It’s Valentine’s day! The day you and your honey spend some quality time outside and share your endless love, through the magic of gifts. Well, I say fuck it.
Today’s post is dedicated to all those girls, who have no idea what to do for their loves ones and whose loved ones couldn’t care less…But don’t let this stop you, Valentine’s day is a chance to get him back, to show him you’re pathetic enough to be loved. Going out and having fun is for sissies. I say, the hell with being normal human beings, the hell with balloons and stuffed animals and crying in the middle of the night, while he watches another football game. Do you wish to be loved, to control your man like the dog he is? Follow these simple tips and you’ll be treated like a Goddess.
1. There’s nothing that says “I love you” more, than the good old cleaning. But before that, you need  to be prepared. You never know when your man is coming home from work, so start your make up routine at 6 o’clock, put on the kinkiest dress you have and the most uncomfortable whorish heels you can find. You don’t have to worry about not showing for work today. Working is for losers, you are a woman and cleaning is what you are supposed to do. Start with the windows, because everyone hates cleaning up those fucking windows.
To keep your spirit up, pretend you’re Cinderella or something…Maybe try a little dance..

2. Done! Do you feel loved already? If not, try cleaning the floor as well..
3. After you finished cleaning for 5 hours straight, you may weep uncontrollably in your hands, while the crushing reality that your life is meaningless, tumbles on top of you like a felled tree. 
After you’ve calmed down and drank your happy pills, you may notice your make up is a fucking mess. Don’t try to fix it, because messy eyeliner is sexy as hell. Not only that, but messy make up is a sign of dignity and strength, your man is going to looove it! 
4. Last but not least, try fixing something for dinner only you can make. As we all know, the path to a man’s heart is through his stomach and cooking is your job anyway, so go do it, now! 
Put on a smile with your delicious dish and no man can resist you now. 
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46 thoughts on “How to make him love you (tips and tricks from the master!)”

  1. OH MY GOSH KEIT. If there was a way to favorite blogger posts, I would have this one at the top of the list. Oh my gosh. Ths is just… you are perfect, and this made my day.

    Please never stop being awesome ever
    (also, that dress is gorgeousss)

  2. хахахха ти си страхотна! Страшно много ме разсмя 😀 Истината е, че и аз нямам никаква представа за Свети Валентин и всичките романтични неща, защото не съм особено романтичен човек 😀 Наистина страхоен пост! 🙂

  3. yes, this indeed was brilliant and I especially love the last photo with your messy make-up and those eggs (which look delicious btw). but what did your man think after all this? was he thrilled? did he even notice anything? 😉 (I'm asking because I know how men can be pretty blind :D)

    Maikeni blogi – part of me

  4. Buwaahaa! That last picture is pure gold my dear. You have to be one of the funniest chicks out there, I've been trying to type out a sentence for the past five minutes and I cant because I keep laughing over that last picture. 🙂

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